A Legacy of Garbage

Posted: February 27, 2011 by Tim Utley in Editorials
Tags: , ,

No one will miss you

When I think of Paris (which doesn’t happen too often, but just go with it) I think of beautiful cityscapes, exquisite food, high culture, and Titus Interactive Software.  The world of gaming has seen it’s fair share of publishing/development houses over the years, but none that have ascertained the level of garbage that Titus was able to accomplish in their 20 years of life.

Some companies have the occasional slip in judgment and let something awful creep out the door, but Titus was pushing stinkers out the door like they enjoyed doing it.  Titus might have seemed like small peas in the US, but there was a time when they were one of the largest multi-platform publishers in Europe.  With so many resources and investors how did Titus manage to continue to pump out garbage?  Did they even have a Quality Assurance department?  I don’t have these answers, but for those of you that are not familiar with Titus’s games I will spotlight some of their finer works.

Superman's other Kryptonite

As some of you may know I like to enjoy the finer things in life and what is finer than Superman 64.  This game embodies the term awful and its box art should serve as an annotation in the dictionary.  Superman 64 was published and developed by Titus for the Nintendo 64 and has been hailed by many as the worst videogame ever made.  I have played my fair share of shitty videogames, but Superman 64 transcends shitty to a realm most of us are unfamiliar with.  I am going to get side tracked, but trust me it has a purpose.  Now when we defecate into a toilet, our bodily fluids have a final resting place and will travel through a network of tunnels and are probably dumped into some local swimming pond.  The process of disposing feces is carefully thought out and is deliberate in its delivery; some might even say the sewer system is a highly specific process.  Superman 64 is not.  If a cross-eyed hobo vomited on a naked Barbie I would be more inclined to play with it then to subject myself to the torturous process that involves playing Superman 64.  Even the man of steel wasn’t strong enough to escape the grasps of Titus grimy paws, but would Superman be the only hero to have his legacy tainted?

Part Man, Part Machine, All Shit

Part Man, Part Machine, All Cop.  That’s right folks, Superman wasn’t the only hero digitally raped; Robocop was also given the Titus treatment.  The lovely folks at Titus decided to strap up (probably a dildo and fuck every Robocop fan) and deliver probably one of the worst first person shooters I have ever played.  Before I get to far down the rabbit hole, there is one redeeming feature to Robocop for Xbox.  There is a behind the scenes featurette showing how incredibly excited the Titus team was to make a Robocop game (trust me it’s a gem).  I will now enter free fall and get as gruesome as possible.  Do you remember when Murphy gets shot approximately 600 times in the factory before becoming Robocop?  I wished that was me the first time I played Robocop.  I wish my eyes were scooped out with a spork.  It felt like I got mushroomed slapped by Shane Diesel (Google it).  The immense pain that came over me when playing this game was far too much for me to handle.  The game is more broken than Jackie Chan’s English.  I would rather jerk off with sand paper than attempt to play Robocop again.

Titus Interactive doesn’t exist anymore and for good reason.  They produced SHIT!!!!  This company became defunct in 2005 and as far as I am concerned it should have happened 10 years prior.  They made terrible financial decisions in conjunction with their ineptitude at making videogames. No one has or will ever miss you Titus Interactive because all you left us was a Legacy of Garbage.

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